I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
