We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
