Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
