would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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