dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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