Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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