One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize