my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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