So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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