I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
