I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
