Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
