i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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