there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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