so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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