a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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