I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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