it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
