I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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