Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize