Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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