I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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