HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
