I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.