I am puke
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID