I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.