Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How does one acquire holy water?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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