So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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