my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize