Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend