when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.