I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?