Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?