The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
