I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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