at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As shirtless as possible
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
