New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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