Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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