Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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