Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"