Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.