It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me