i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack