before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
