you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
