8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
