I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
