I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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