Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
