Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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