That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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