it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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