so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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