hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you would pick up someone in the library
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need moral support for this bender
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
