Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
