Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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