You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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