Got a toothbrush?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
